Philip Harman Living near, working or socializing with people who seem rich, do you feel uncomfortable, not measuring up? You reside in a high rise, suburb, country enclave, or a plush facsimile. You chose it or landed accidentally. There reality morphs into the relative, certain cars, vacations, brands are expected in order to fit in.
Yes, the idyllic existence, Jet setter/Christmas card perfect/select chocolate valentines/ exclusive parties/important friends, the aura of success- it pulls you without realizing it. The people adjacent, summers on the Italian coast, that new Porsche, who wouldn’t want a life like that? And yet- are your neighbors content?
Several years ago, I remember, hanging with a guy who had a business installing sun rooms with hot tubs and music systems. He invited me to a party in Marin County, where he finished his latest contract. Attractive people sipped wine, attempted clever conversation. Outside the house I chatted with him “You know what”, he said. “I put in these expensive additions to make these divorced guys look good, so they can get girls and they think they’ll be happy. It never works, but it appears that way to their friends so I get plenty of new business”.
A big house with a dysfunctional family, that swank apartment coping with illness, vacations with bickering, what does it mean? And then there are wealthy friends, pals to go places with, and show off for the less fortunate. Sounds like high school, doesn’t it?
When a crisis comes, you lose your job, your savings, your partner, your health, who’s there when you need encouragement? In one’s marriage vows (‘for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health’), never mentioned is what you wear or drive.
The people around, embracing affluence, are they slapping on a persona to hide themselves, or like Daisy Buchanan from the Great Gatsby, they just don’t care except for what pleases them? Do you think HERE you can find a confidant, someone that believes in you unwaveringly?
You can’t afford that BMW. At what price does the strain on your budget, stress you to a breaking point? And these people probably are NOT your friends!
So, alone, where do you find that longed for community? Given our narcissistic society it seems impossible. And yet people are there, who reach out to others generously. They frequent venues where volunteering, fighting for just causes or simply attending meetup groups to learn from others occurs naturally.
Finding real friends, the process takes time and work, but the results – no more veneer. Quality connections await and isn’t that what gives you an interesting, fulfilled life?
